We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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