first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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