my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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