There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
