i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
