I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
