Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
