Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Still dying that you shit outside
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
