so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
