he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
