fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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