you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
