My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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