Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
