Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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