Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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