Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
