he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
