Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
