Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
