So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
