You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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