i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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