The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
