Sorry, I don't speak sober.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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