Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
