he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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