3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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