how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You were trust falling into bushes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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