Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
