how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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