remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we made out on top of his cat.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
