Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
