You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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