i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
