he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
