Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
