I seem to have left my pride at pride
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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