So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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