Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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