he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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