I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
