Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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