My Higher Power is John Stamos
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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