So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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