Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
