I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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