Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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