So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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