I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
