screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
