i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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