Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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