I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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