I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
