Don't make out with my wife yet
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i barfeds in our rink
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
