Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
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the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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